Rocketful of Love.

Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world.
Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their place. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by.

But that feeling's a lie.
And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay.

Because we all need a little help sometimes:
Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way.

That someone is out there. And that someone will find you.

12.10.2009
Why dont you dare to look in a mirror?

When the flash of annoyance seared through me, i saw, so clearly, in my mind's eye: why i never really liked you; which subsequently led me to understand why you never liked me, either.

I have observed you observing me for so long that dislike itself has gathered dust and contempt having chosen to fade into oblivion. I gradually grew immune to your everchanging personalities--- you changed masks with a frequency that could rival that of a chameleon's, with each one customed to mould seamlessly to your face.

A lioness will be at her fiercest not when she is hungry, but when she is protecting her cubs. With this theory, i repeat. Dont even try to mess with what i love most, please, because when push comes to shove i might blow.

And i would hate to spatter you with bits of my eye/ hair/ toe.

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.

"she dare not lie near this lack-love, this kill- courtesy"

Labels: a little cross, see.

4:56 PM

12.02.2009
you have to go there to come back

i think today will be the kind of day that you like best.

Lazy and dim. The field full of daffodils bending to whisper their secrets to the wind, and the gray skies heavy with the promise of tears, yet never yielding them to earth's gravity. Well- not yet, anyway.

There are days like this when i think of you (back in 1860), with your cherry hairpins and muslin skirt, braiding flower wreaths with me at the field. Sometimes we would have a braiding race, and more often than not you would win- i've always harbored this secret suspicion that you got fairies to help you- but later when the sky grew somber and night fell you would crown me with an armful of wreaths before we skipped home, saying "A queen always has to look ready for her king to come and take her away for her happily ever after!"

I had laughed at the sheer absurdity of any king finding (much less falling in love with) either one of us in the countryside, had poked fun at your vivid imagination and your unwavering belief in happily ever afters. Yet not once did i stop to think that maybe, just maybe, your imagination was there to hide the fact that you so desperately wanted to fit in somewhere.

5 years later high school came and high school gone. Lou was still Lou, and Lisa the same; but the only difference was that Lou was going to the city with Ian and never coming back. Lou still had her sun-bleached blond locks and Lisa her dark curls, but the difference was that Lou had sparkly Bonnebelle barrettes while Lisa still used gingham ribbons. Lou was too caught up in her world of parties to notice that the more lipgloss tubes she bought, and the more boys she dated, the space for Lisa in her life grew smaller and smaller.

Lisa didn't send Lou off the day she left, but instead holed up in her room to look at kiddy pictures of them both, arms wrapped around each other with rays of sunlight caught between their eyelashes. Try as she might, she could only picture a vague outline of Lou's face when she told Lisa that they would be best friends "forever and always".

However, I could no longer see the staunch conviction in your face when i made you pinkie- promise that our forever would never end.

Its raining here. I wonder if the sky is crying where you are now.

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.

but don't expect me to be waiting by the railtracks

Labels: a rollercoaster feel

3:25 PM

11.22.2009
of high heels and video stills/ of sleeping at 4am and waking up feeling like grumpy the dwarf

disclaimer: my pictures have yet to be posted on facebook simply because my mum's camera cable requires some excavating around the house, so.

i will remember prom because i was finally able to totter around showing off my *fake long eyelashes.

i will remember it for the camera flashes and shutter clicks, for the silly masks and excruciating waits (both for the rehearsal and the VIP arrival!).

i will remember it because that was the night i sang the school song and said the school pledge as a bluebadge for the last time.

this post is so short because tonight is not the night for words, silly. it is a night for the heart to remember <3

i will remember grad- night (22112009) because that was part magic, part love, and 100 % SN.

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.

let mercy come.

11:30 PM

11.14.2009
pinafore on for the last time:

i think "over" is too short a word to sum up the momentous journey that i've gone through, and "OVER!!!!!!" too conspicuous/cliche, so, in my usual beating-around-the-bush way i shall just say:

the runners are leaving.

some with bodies sagged in relief, some with heavy hearts, some with pinafore belts cinched too tight... and if you look hard enough there'll also be those with 3 blue letters clearly visible above the tops of their shoebacks.

i think i'll spend the rest of tonight marvelling at the power of the human will. joy was right, sheer will can carry you through everything AND anything, but then again, no one guaranteed fair weather for the journey. granted, we complained (Oh, the grumbles we made would put chatterboxes to shame :D ) and ranted and cried and lost a tiny bit of faith and hated the textbooks and yet still sat down to study anyway.

i guess its customary for me to list down the things i'll miss, especially when the school moves out, to list significant events that i mark my 4 years in SN by, and to thank people. but this time i'll leave that out of this post, because, really.

how do you say i love you to a school that has given you so much love it could last you a lifetime?

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.

of father barre, assemblies on the track and family dances

9:56 PM

11.10.2009
we could scatter stardust by the meadow-

昨夜的雨惊醒我沉睡中的梦

迷惑的心缠满着昨日的伤痛

冷冷的风不再有往日的温柔

失去的爱是否还能够再拥有

漫漫长路谁能告诉我

究竟会有多少错何处是我最终的居留

曾经在雨中对我说今生今世相守

曾经在风中对我说永远不离开我

多少缠绵编织成的梦

多少爱恨刻划的镜头

为何一切到了终究还是空

#我依稀记得我小时候回到外婆家，睡在外公外婆的房间里时，心里总会有种踏实的

感觉. 那种感觉伴着我对他们的爱，伴着一丝丝的甜蜜，流入我的心田里。

那种缠绵与心的感觉，小时候的我，很珍惜。

可是，也许上天妒忌了我与他们（特别是外公）那份深厚的感情，或是对我们祖孙俩

之间的爱看红了眼，它决定这个让我沉醉的幸福，不能变成永久。

十四年了，我仍会在夜深人静的时候忆起你的。

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.
the very very last curve to dash for

8:45 PM

10.15.2009
salvage the lost, save the empty.

You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

You;re not alone.

granted, i was too young to understand death then (as much as i do now), but i swear that that tiny seed of sorrow was always rooted in my heart. always. i just buried it alongside my memories of you and every once in a while, whenever i was lonely and alone, hold it close.

when i was growing up, mom used to say that if you were still around, i would be the luckiest kid on earth. i believed her.

i still do.

please?

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.
& fighters' hearts are made from tears.

12:25 PM

9.25.2009
& everyone needs a pocketful of sunshine

Flight:

how big you make it, depends on how far you take it.

c'est le ton qui fait la musique.

there are souls too heartless to make dreams fly

eyes too wet to even try.

5:40 PM